


The Stockholm Palace

by dragonflybeach



Series: The Missing Moments [81]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Other, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 10:19:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10784880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonflybeach/pseuds/dragonflybeach
Summary: Sometimes when he's alone, Sam remembers 120 years he spent with the Devil.





	The Stockholm Palace

It usually happens when he’s alone.

When Dean is around, the memories, the flashbacks, or whatever they are, he can usually hold them back. He can remember how Lucifer used Sam’s fists as weapons against Dean. He can remember the time hallucinations of Lucifer lured him into danger by pretending to be Dean. He can remember a cage, a different cage, and how Lucifer threatened to kill Dean, trying to force a “Yes” from Sam.

But sometimes when he is in his room alone, when it’s dark and quiet, and especially when he can still feel Lady Toni’s hands on him, he remembers things he doesn’t want to recall.

He remember’s Lucifer’s hands, not cruel as they as they could be sometimes, but soothing, the cool touch smoothing away the bruises and wounds Michael had left.

He remembers a body pressed against his back, the source of the only loving touches he felt for over one hundred years, softly whispering in his ear “You were made for me.”

He remembers how an angel’s grace, even the grace of an angel fallen millenia ago, can make a human feel tranquility and pleasure beyond the scope of human words, whether the human wants to feel it or not. Sometimes he wonders if drugs were created by someone chasing how it felt to be in the presence of an angel.

He remembers honeyed words like “I fell from Heaven to be with you.”

He remembers promises to never leave him, and to never lie to him, the two things Sam’s tattered upbringing drove him to long for most.

He remembers a patient companion, who would listen to Sam talk for hours or even days, who never made fun of Sam’s knowledge, who listened with rapt attention as Sam talked about how obscure books few others had even read had changed his life.

He remembers an ancient celestial being, present from before the foundations of the world, explaining mysteries of the universe to him, answers to questions millions of other people had wondered about given freely to an insignificant human named Sam Winchester.

He remembers the anguished whispers of a son never good enough, whose heart was broken when his father took his favorite garden and gave it to his new creatures, the humans his father loved more than his original children. He remembers being trusted with the Devil’s own secrets.

When he catches himself, he tries to remember the rest - the rapes, the torture, the hallucinations, the times that Lucifer did lie to him, the time Lucifer tried to kill him while wearing Castiel’s face. He pulls out the psychology textbook he bought at a Salvation Army somewhere in Indiana or maybe Illinois and reads the section on Stockholm Syndrome. He writes on paper that Lucifer didn’t love him, that Lucifer used him and abused him and although Sam doesn’t really love Lucifer either, his reaction is perfectly reasonable, the mind’s way of coping with captivity and forced intimacy. In a few days, when he thinks he believes it, he will burn the paper so Dean doesn’t find it.

For months Lucifer walked the Earth, and while Sam was terrified of what Lucifer would do to him if they were ever alone again, his deepest, darkest secret was that sometimes he longed for Lucifer to touch him again with love and tenderness, even if it wasn’t real.

Now Lucifer is back in the Cage, but his child will be born into this world in a few short months. Sam is desperately poring over every bit of lore he can find, trying to find a way to defuse the situation without harming the nephilim.

If there is no other way, he hopes Dean will kill Lucifer's child because Sam isn’t sure he could bring himself to do so.

Dean thinks it’s because Sam can’t make bear the thought of harming a baby.

Neither Sam nor Dean want to acknowledge that Sam spent 120 years in a relationship with the Devil.

**Author's Note:**

> written for the OhSam! fanworks birthday event, using the prompts alone, Stockholm Syndrome, and thrall.


End file.
